Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
