Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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