U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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