you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
