I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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