Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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