I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
