I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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