Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
