Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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