i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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