Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
