living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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