right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
