'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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