last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
