My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
