the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
