happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
