Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
