There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
