i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
