I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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