i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
