return my video game
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Found the puke drawer
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
