Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
