yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
