I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
