youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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