it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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