you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize