I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
