You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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