im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
