Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
