K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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