I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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