I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
