i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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