Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
