Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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