you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
