im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
