is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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