Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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