bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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