The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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