shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
