you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
