I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
