you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
