they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
