Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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