Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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