I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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