Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
