would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I FOUND THE LEGS
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
