I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
