I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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